Tag Archives: City of Austin

New City Management Policy Will Fix All Of Our Problems

By Bill Oakey – April 30, 2021

It is with great pleasure that I release this breaking news story, exclusive to this blog. Remember, you read it here first! No more worries about homelessness, police oversight or nightmarish property tax increases. Those problems and all of the others will be solved very soon. The memo that you are about to read explains it all.

To:                  Those Designated, As Deemed Appropriate

From:             The Leadership Evaluation Facilitation Subcommittee

Through:        Balder Dash and Gobble D. Gook, Senior Coordinating Facilitators

Subject:          Subject to Change Without Notice

Date:               Within the Near Term Time Frame

————————————————————————————————————————————–

Greetings. You have been pre-selected to participate as a planning member of the City Manager’s recently announced “Go Austin Go!” program (GAG). You will be assigned to Milestone I and Milestone II. The first is “Measured Utilization of Management Behavioral Objectives” (MUMBO), which will be followed by “Job Usefulness and Motivational Bio-therapeutic Outreach” (JUMBO). White tablecloths and facilitators will be provided, to help everyone get in touch with themselves.

These programs seek to provide real-time training solutions, with special emphasis on enhanced relationships with mission statements. In Milestone I, managers will attend seminars to learn who they are in the modern working environment. Executives will be given coping assessment drills, which will measure behavioral adjustments to changes in organizational buzzwords.

Milestone II is an innovative approach to task phase linkage and goal attainment. In this module, you will be given an assignment and taught how to “not” get it done. You will learn that “not doing” a job effectively can expand your thought base and de-escalate downtime. The bio-therapeutic outreach will facilitate optimal communication between administrators under stress and the lavish plants in their offices.

The subcommittee has determined that JUMBO is more user-centric than MUMBO, so you will begin with Milestone II. You actually began your training when you started reading this memo. It hasn’t been released yet, so it must be kept strictly confidential. With all assignments under JUMBO, you must “not do them” so well that no one will notice. Thus, critical projects can be allowed to take place before they happen, to determine if they should be made official. If it is later decided that you did not do what you did, you will be informed that you have been doing something else.

It is really quite simple. You will be given a pretty, color-coded notebook with fancy charts for each linkage phase in the goal-attainment grid. The consultants have assured us that these notebooks will only cost the taxpayers $16,000 each.

Should any external questions or concerns arise, acquaint yourself with the need to adhere to the following:

  1. If it’s from the City Council, redirect it.
  2. If it’s from the media, deflect it.
  3. If it’s from a citizen, by all means, reject it.

In the event of an encounter with uncertainty, follow the guidance that applies to all City Management projects. Delay or study it indefinitely until further notice, unless instructed otherwise.

-Facilitated By Bill Oakey

KXAN Investigates Millions in Uncollected City Parking Tickets

Follow on Twitter – @AAffordability

By Bill Oakey, November 21, 2017

More than once I have had to put my socks back on after having them knocked off by a KXAN investigation. This morning I was jolted awake by the voice of top news reporter, Kylie McGivern on the radio. She was talking up the latest KXAN investigation about uncollected City parking tickets. Maybe I was still asleep, but it sounded like she said they add up to over $7 million! If it’s even close to that, let’s hope some of it can be recovered quickly. If they don’t really need the money, why are we having to pay for so much for parking?

To find out all the details, set your DVR’s or just plop down on the couch and tune in to KXAN tonight at 10:00. It’s a riot to watch their reporters look public officials in the eye, and ask what in the heck is going on. Quite often, we learn in the ensuing days or weeks that some important reforms have taken place as a result of a KXAN investigation. Since I don’t personally know anybody bold enough to shake things up like that, I find it quite fascinating to behold. I might just try to meet this Kylie McGivern sometime…

KXAN Investigative Reporter, Kylie McGivern

You can still catch up on some of KXAN’s previous investigations. There’s a lot of smoke left in some of them, including the one on toll road bill collection “customer service.” I plan to delve into that after Thanksgiving. Check out their website for any investigations that you might have missed. Here are just a few really juicy ones:

  1. TxTag Troubles: Nearly $1 Billion Added to TxTag Accounts as Billing Woes Continue
  2. HOA Law Loophole Leaves Some Homeowners Powerless
  3. Your Driver License Information Is Being Sold By the State for a Profit
  4. Risky Rides: Unscrupulous Dealerships Selling Salvage Vehicles to Customers
  5. Visit Austin Spent Thousands of Dollars In Concert Tickets, Alcohol, Jewelry

Musical Accompaniment for This Blog Posting:

“Dirty Laundry” – Don Henly