Tag Archives: Austin Chronicle

John Kelso Nails Trump Exclusive, And I Have More!

By Bill Oakey – April 1, 2016

Amazing and sometime crazy things seem to happen here on the first of April. This time, Austin American-Statesman writer John Kelso broke the news on his Facebook page that Trump Enterprises has inked a deal to purchase the Austin Chronicle for $3.2 million. Kelso’s posting offered few details, except that Mr. Trump does not plan to make any “major changes” to the paper.

This news prompted me to ratchet up whatever sleuthing skills I could muster and try to dig deeper into the story. Insiders have confirmed that Trump spoke to the Chronicle staff by satellite in between campaign stops in Wisconsin. “He wanted to learn about Austin’s affordability problems,” according to a Trump spokesperson. Even without waiting for a full response from the Chronicle news team, Trump interjected by saying, “Excuse me, let me just say this. We’re gonna make Austin great again, Ok? There won’t be any more problems. We’ll start here at the Chronicle and move up from there. We’ll fix this affordability thing, Ok?”

Much to Mr. Trump’s surprise, however, Chronicle staff writer Michael King stood up and challenged him head on. “Mr. Trump, sir, you don’t seem to understand. Austin affordability is just like climate change. You don’t have to believe in it if you don’t want to. And by the way, just so you know. Climate change is real. But there is no affordability problem here. We’re doing just fine. Austin is already great.”

After finding himself in a difficult position, Mr. Trump quickly pivoted to another subject. “You people here at the Chronicle might as well be the first to hear this announcement. Today our company has finalized the purchase of the prime downtown site currently occupied by the Austin American-Statesman. We have great plans for the property. I mean, really! You’re gonna love it. Trust me on that. No…excuse me…I’m telling you. You’re just going to love it!”

“What we will be launching soon at our downtown site in Austin will be the envy of every other city in America. It will be a food lover’s paradise. Just think about this and you won’t be able to stand the wait. Forget about Trump Steaks and Trump Wine. We’re going to have Trump Tacos, Trump Barbecue, and…Excuse me!..,I’m not done yet. Just for you people here in Austin, we’re going to introduce Trump Dog Biscuits. Now, is that great or what?!!”

Totally Foolish Song List

  1. “April’s Fool,” Ray Price , 1970
  2. “Who Will the Next Fool Be,” Charlie Rich, 1961
  3. “Everybody’s Somebody’s Fool,” Connie Francis, 1960
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American-Statesman Readers React To Rail Plan

By Bill Oakey – July 2, 2014

In its online edition, the Austin American-Statesman has published a brief compilation of negative reader comments on the Project Connect urban rail plan.  These reflect the very tough sell that the mayor and other supporters of the plan will face in trying to promote the November bond proposition.  Although the paper’s editorial board has endorsed the plan, the piece that appears today shows their respect for the views of their readers.

Posted: 12:00 a.m. Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Urban rail and roads plan

By Staff

Special to the American-Statesman

Last week, the Austin City Council officially endorsed a plan for a $1 billion mixture of rail and road projects that includes the proposed urban rail line running from Highland Mall to south of Lady Bird Lake and continuing east along Riverside Drive. With the endorsement, rail planners for the city and Capital Metro can initiate an environmental study of the proposed 9.5-mile line.

Ryan Holden: They should really be on separate propositions. I’d vote for the road proposition, but not the railway proposition.

Donna Rene Johnston: Well, thank goodness they are building a line from Riverside to Highland Mall, because I travel between those two points all the time. SAID NO ONE EVER!

Katie Gorbea Araguz: They should be required to put pedestrian safety first … they need more SIDEWALKS especially in South Austin … a new ”rail” would just be a waste of money down the dang toilet … I’ll be telling City Council OFF if they get this over sidewalks and pedestrian safety!

Sunny Conditt Williams: I think the urban rail is a super good idea — quick, relatively safe — too bad it only runs to Highland Mall — and by the way, why there????

Joseph Iley: I vote no, unless the city implements a monorail plan. … Traffic is bad enough, taking lanes away to be installing rail defeats the purpose.

Shaunt Attarian: Hard to get excited about this rail proposal. The big dollars being put behind this project would be much better suited to build an effective rail line that serves areas where people need to go. Building a rail line along Lamar or Lavaca/Guadalupe would be a much better investment. Too bad our city leaders lack the daring and foresight to propose such a line. And why this train doesn’t go to the airport is frankly beyond comprehension. Second, why doesn’t this proposal include biking and pedestrian improvements in Austin? If we are trying to get cars off the road, we should be expanding transportation options that can replace cars, and building infrastructure that can support these alternatives.

Russell Dreyer: Why does this rail go from one ACC to another? Horrible planning, like always (MoPac should be interesting.) Good idea though. Reroute it.

Jeremy King: This is being shoved down our throats by a lame duck council on their way out! They aren’t listening that this route isn’t wanted and it will show up in Nov.!

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Now, what was that old saying about lipstick…?

Lipstick On a Pig